Thursday, November 18, 2010

A good ole Facebook rant

 Good ole Facebook...where you have 10,000 friends and truly know two of them. Actually you only know one of them but you're so pumped to have this meaningless list of people, places, photos, things, statements and all the other details built for the natural stalker in all of us. (ok so its not *always* meaningless)Your day isn't complete until you know what coffee they had that day, when you get to judge them having had Cake and Cookies for dinner or what meal they have, how they raise their children or where they check into so you can slaughter them in a back alley as they step out of the grocery store. Higher powers forbid if you are...dun dun dunnnn....deleted from their ever precious friends list. *Gasp*  Don't get me wrong.  Facebook isn't all bad. Even though my hubby and I have known each other since we were 5, we started dating after keeping in contact via Myspace for years. It also allows me to keep in contact with family and friends as well as my fellow old school bloggers. The thing that amuses me most is days like today. Log in. There it is. The list of infamous friend requests:  1 of them is a cousin who cussed me at a family funeral for being a "Good person". Yes, I was cussed and hated on for being a  "good person and grand daughter". 2 of them are porn site requests. 1 is Barney the dinosaur-Yes! Apparently Barney has a facebook page and out of all the people in the world, he chose me to be his fwiiieeeeeeend.  1 of them is a girl who used to punch and smack me in the back of the head at least 3 times a week all through middle school and spent her high school days hating me. (That is, until she got pregnant when we were....oh....13 years old. Ah yes, good ole Indiana teen pregnancy.) But her teen pregnancy did mean that my bully opted out of bullying mode during the pregnancy. Go me. Her friend request should have read "Hey I used to beat your a** on a regular basis, cursed and screamed at you like a banshee and haven't seen you since we were 16 but will you be my facebook frieeeeeeend?"

What about the people that assume everything you post is about them? You know if you have ice cream for dinner, it was related to something high and mighty she had done with the Ice Cream Gods and you just had to copy her Ice Cream having, white horse riding joys.  Or your bad day at work somehow equals you secretly hating this person and even though your post said "What a day, too much monkey poo to handle. The polar bear got loose and Joe forgot to feed the seals so I had to fill in." Somehow that is code for all the reasons you are secretly angry with them or you hate them but you coded it to sound like a day at work and this person is so uber duber, super duper smart to decode it and discover ah-HAH! You really hate them.

 How about that person on your page that never acknowledges you or anything via Facebook, but when you see them in real life they like to reference every single photo you have ever posted. Or when you meet someone a friend of yours knows and that friend of a friend looks at you and says, "Oh yes! I KNOW you! I look at your wedding photos everyday on Facebook!" What? Wow. Moving on. Or the one that is more angry than a Silverback on a bad day because so-and-so told so-and-so their "business" they posted on facebook for all the world to see. Or that distant relative or friend that automatically assumes they know every ounce of you via your Facebook posts and photos, your likes and dislikes. Someone I know thinks all I do 24 hours a day is eat cupcakes and watch documentaries and actually made fun of me for it. Damn a girl for liking food, her curves and enjoying a documentary or two.  Or the one that posts everything similar or exact to what someone else posts because we are like does it, another does it.  Or only posting about food or venues that they know another person can relate to because, after all, they need everyone's acceptance. I suppose all or most people are curious and have a secret stalker-esqueness (to an extent) about them. And venting or not, I'll be staying with Facebook. Its just, some days are as fascinating as people watching yet others, are a little more than irritating. Over all, I suppose it is somewhat entertaining.  Either way I have a feeling you know an ounce or two of what I'm talking about.

"LATTE" is Italian for, "You paid too much for that coffee"


  1. Yay Old School Bloggers! Great rant Mel! I was compelled to check out my "friends" and did pretty well. 41 are actual friends/family, 6 are internet friends (you), 4 from high school or people I only kinda vaguely know, and 4 are extended family I've never met. Decent record, if you ask me. Still love reading your shtuff.

  2. This would be a "BINGO" totally!
    Wonder if she had a brother. Had a guy hit me in the back of the head at high school for no reason. Once I collected my brain drippings, looked behind me to see a cute chick holding a switch blade to his throat. He was not moving and I had a new best friend... *smile*

  3. Your blog refered me to this post, and I appreciated the recommendation because somehow I had missed it. I hate Facebook. I especially hate that friends, real friends that I have known since they were innocent virgins, feel it's the appropriate place to announce their decision to get a divorce or that they just gave birth, instead of an old fashioned phone call, and because I rarely check the damn site, I am literally the LAST person to know. I either know too much about people I just added to be polite (AKA my coworkers & extended family) after reading their painfully detailed posts or am painfully aware that anything I post will be read by a broad spectrum that ranges from my daughter's Girl Scout troop leader to my ex-husband's new wife to my estranged (and strange) father. Blech. Talk about a mental cock block. I miss the days where Myspace ruled and only the fun, creative, and most impotantly, INTERESTING people knew how to use it. Every Tom, Dick, and Harry is on Facebook, so it's more like something you have to have than something you want to have. Like a cell phone, or a mail box. Or a coffin. I guess blogsites have become what old Myspace was. Anyways, LOVED your rant, and love the chance to add my own two cents.



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