Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Nuclear Avocado Meltdown of 2011

The soap box of a bad day>>> Have you ever had a day where you feel immensely lack-luster? I mean the Alert-the-media, sob story, pity party kind of day. No one can wave their  wand of magic fairy fix-it-all and take it away. Try as you might, not to take things for granted, some of those little things seem to drive you mad. Or madder. You feel like you're 3.5 away from a Gary Busey cameo.  Watching the reflection of yourself wipe tears away, Dane Cook style. No matter how many Cadbury minis you inhale. No matter how much good, bad, or sad-bastard-esque music you immerse yourself in. As my husband would say, No matter how much "Vagina Rock" you listen to. Rain. Shine. Its just a tired day. Keeping yourself busy (or trying to) with mindless tasks and tending to the wounds of your heart with a numbing dose of ego food. Cheesecake or Red Velvet Cake sound really good right about now.  No I don't mean emotional eating. I'm talking about that mental pep talk. Only that mental pep talk you attempt to give yourself fails. Miserably. Then, at the end of the week or day or hour, you realize all is well. You're healthy. You have a pretty kick ass life.  People who love you. A life to call your own. Mindless and cheap entertainment. Clothes on your back and a full belly. You wouldn't be human if you didn't have a bad moment. Right?  Its not like you're The Bionic Energizer Bunny on crack or anything. <<<Exit Soap Box.

Excuse me while I say FU to the grocery store that continues to sell perfect, beautiful avocados on the outside only to cut into them and see they are rotting from the inside out. How can the Mister make his world renown Guacamole if all the avocados are bad?  Like some tiny avocado rotting gnome has made its home in the belly of the seed. With a suitcase and waves of disease.  Someone would probably say its some undiscovered disease or cancer causing pesticide or the nuclear avocado meltdown of 2011 is about to commence. I keep complaining when its my fault for knowing better. But I still bought them. 5 time in a row now. Looks like its back to all organic for me. Rotten avocado selling jerks.

And, yeah. Before you get all judgey on that white horse of judgment and wisdom. My life has to be pretty good to whine about rotten avocados right? It most definitely is. But I'm human.......Or AM I?
I would give credit to originator of this drawing but it came from a random email Ms. Sara sent to me. So. There you have it. Tis a mystery.


  1. Holy shit, yes. I have those days all the time and I feel perfectly justified whining about them. I know they're unimportant in the scheme of things and that other people have real problems, but I'm me, and in MY life, those days suck. So there. Feel better Angry Avocado lady! :)

  2. You worked it all out in one blog post. :)

    I can't encourage that sort of thing. Do you want myself and other mental health professionals to be out of a job? It's suppose to weeks (or more) to get to that level of "self-talk"!

    Maybe I should go into the organic avocado business. ;)

  3. Somebody sells me a rotten avocado and somebody ain't gonna feel so good when I get hold of 'em. I take my avocadoes very seriously. And I'm glad you do, too.

  4. @ Veg, Thanks! And yeah, they are totally unimportant in the Grand ole scheme of this life. But. We have our moments.

    @ Trey, you and I both know there are plenty of crazies like me in the world for you to keep your job :)

    @ Clint, I can't take em too seriously but when a girl needs a fresh avocado, a girl needs a fresh avocado.

  5. I've been lack luster for a while now... might be something in the water! True, other people have bigger problems but somedays we're all allowed to be self-absorbed!
    Avocados are not my thing (especially not in the bathroom format.. a very common thing over in the UK for anyone buying a 1970s house!). I do get more than a tad irritated with pithy oranges... have had a run of bad bags lately that has wound me up!
    Hope you cheer up soon :-)

  6. I love to see your honesty and how you own it. EW all have bad days girlie. It is good to see you know it is just a moment and not a life shattering endeavor. Glad to see the moment has passed

  7. @ Nat, I'll have to research this UK 70s house business. Alls good now. Thanks love :)

    @ Heather, Thanks :) And yeah. We all have bad days. Obviously it can always be worse but sometimes those moments are an evil little monkey that won't go away :P

    @ V, I think we all do :)

  8. I call them rants and they're good for the soul, you're fine and have nearly everything you need around you except good avocados.


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